


so this is what it feels like to be human

by doughnutwhore



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I don't know why I wrote this, I'm Sorry, Please Don't Hate Me, anyway, what's going on with the show i stopped watching like eons ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 02:56:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18908092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doughnutwhore/pseuds/doughnutwhore
Summary: “i just… i just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me.”alternatively: in which Lena tells Kara she loves her just before she dies (and Kara can't do anything about it)





	so this is what it feels like to be human

**Author's Note:**

> it's pretty clear on the warning and the summary that shit'll go down in this fic so please don't hate me. you're here because you want to hurt as much as i did when i wrote this lol. no but seriously i don't understand why i hurt myself like this. maybe i'm just a sucker for the angst. anyway...
> 
> *work of fanfiction. no copyright infringement intended

Saying that Kara is busy would probably be the greatest understatement of the century. Kara isn’t simply busy. She is thoroughly preoccupied, what with having a full time superhero job and another daytime career. She has endless news to report and stories to cover, all the while having a number of villains to dispatch. It’s exhausting, and Kara is positively drained. Fulfilled, yes, but still very much tired.

Kara yawns, still intent on finishing her article. She rubs her eyes, tries her best to summon her heat vision to warm the cup of coffee on the table beside her laptop, but nothing happens. Her powers still haven’t returned. She sighs wearily, standing up to take her cup to the microwave on the kitchen counter. She feels the exhaustion in a more pronounced way, what with having solar-flared just hours ago. She thinks, ‘so this is what it feels like to be human’. It’s one of those rare moments when Kara finds herself thanking Rao for her alien DNA.

She’s back on the stool when her cell phone rings. It’s Lena. She finds herself smiling from ear to ear. She picks up the device.

“Hey,” she greets like she isn’t exhausted.

“Hi,” Lena replies. She sounds...different. Kara can’t quite put her finger on it, but there’s a pull in her gut that tells her that something’s wrong. She frowns.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just...I’m just tired.” Tired doesn’t sound like the right word. Kara _feels_ it, even without her powers. Like Lena is connected to her in a way. Something isn’t right.

“Are you sure? You don’t sound fine to me.”

There’s a moment of silence before Lena speaks up again. Kara doesn’t understand why but there’s panic rising up in her throat. She tries to listen, tries her hardest to find Lena’s heartbeat but she can’t hear anything other than the cars passing by outside of her building.

“Kara?”

“I’m here.”

“I just… I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me.”

“Lena? What’s going on?” The panic doubles. Kara grips the edge of the table. It doesn’t crumble under her strong fingers.

“I love you.”

Kara’s heart stops. The resignation in Lena’s voice is crystal clear. “What?”

“I’ve been in love with you for god knows how long. I just… I didn’t think that I could say it. But I don’t have much time right now and I just wanted you to know that.”

“Lena, what do you mean you don’t have time?”

“I love you.”

“Lena? Tell me,” Kara is rushing to her bedroom, rushing to change her clothes, rushing to get out of her damned apartment but she isn’t fast enough. Her powers haven’t returned yet and she can’t hear Lena’s heartbeat and it’s strangling her. She’s running down the set of stairs. She’s exiting her building. She’s dashing down the street.

“I love you.”

It boosts her. “Say it again.”

“I love you.”

It strengthens her. “I love you too.”

She hears Lena sob. And then she feels it jump starting her a little. She wills all of herself to feel it. She wills all of herself to start. She prays to Rao that just once, just this time, all of her powers come back to her at full speed. She keeps running towards Lena’s office because she feels it in her heart that she’s there.

“Lena, I’m coming. I’m on my way, okay?”

“It’s too late.”

Kara’s heart freezes. She keeps running. _Rao, please, please, give me back my powers. Please._

“What do you mean it’s too late? Lena?”

“Tell me you love me, Kara. Just...say it one more time. Please.”

“Lena, no, what is happening? What do you mean it’s too late?” Her legs start moving faster. She can’t fly yet, but she can run. She moves harder, faster, even if her legs start to ache. And then she sees it. The L-Corp tower, the light on the topmost floor still on.

“Kara, please? Just say it again for me.”

“I’ll say it when I see you. I’m almost there,” Kara chokes back a sob. _Rao, what is going on?_

“There’s no time.”

Kara hears it this time, the defeat in Lena’s voice. She doesn’t know what’s going on, what’s happening to Lena. She can’t see it. She can’t hear it. But her chest is tightening, and her palms are sweating, and the fear is threatening to strangle her breathless. She feels it, like Lena’s heart is in her chest and hers is inside of Lena’s. This isn’t how she wanted to tell Lena how she feels. _Rao, please._

“Kara?”

“I love you, Lena. Please. I love you.”

“Then you’ll be able to forgive me.”

And then she hears it, a stinging sound that hurts her ears because it’s loud enough without her powers. She looks up at the flashing of a bright red orange light. The topmost floor of the L-Corp building raging in fire.

She’s frozen where she stands, her hand still gripping her cell phone.

“Lena?” she calls out, wishing, praying, _begging_ that Lena would answer. The panic in her chest has transformed into despair. The fear in her bones into anguish.

“Lena?” she calls out again, as if Lena made it. As if any human being could survive that kind of explosion.

“Lena?”

Her knees weaken. They give out. She’s kneeling on the pavement on the side of the road, looking at the crumbling building, listening to the sirens, feeling her heart turning into ashes because of all of the days to be powerless, why did it have to be now? _Lena needed her._

There’s chaos everywhere. She doesn’t know how long she’s been kneeling on the side of the road, doesn’t know how long she’s been calling Lena’s name into the cell phone, doesn’t know how long she’s been crying helplessly. Then there’s someone behind her, pulling at her shoulders until she’s standing again. It’s Alex.

“Lena…” Kara whispers again, as useless as she had before.

“I’m so sorry, Kara.”

Alex grips the sides of her arms, steadying her, anchoring her, but it’s hopeless. Her limbs are still weak. Her heart is breaking inside of her chest. _No. No. Not Lena._

The sob that escapes her wracks her body. “Alex. I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t… My powers aren’t back yet.”

“Hey, hey, It’s not your fault,” Alex reassures her but it sounds so fucking hollow. How could it not be her fault?

She looks up at the L-Corp building to her side, still up in flames, burning a bright red orange that can’t quite burn bright enough to light the growing void inside of her.

Lena loves her. In her final moments, that’s what she said. Lena loves her. But now she’s dead.

Kara breaks down again.

So this is is what it feels like to be human.

  
  



End file.
